I am like your Shadow

Cedric was sitting in a chair next to the fireplace. He was looking into the flames, apparently thinking. Sarah and Stella just headed off for bed, the two of them wanted Jared to catch up with Cedric to get some gossip. Both of them needed to know if he still was single or not. Quite frankly, Jared didn’t care. Cedric had been treating Jared like he didn’t exist ever since he met Isabella. He was becoming sick of gossiping, ever since Cedric broke free from his group of friends, the gossiping exploded. All kinds of crazy stories was made up.

Now there was only the two of them left in the common room. Jared had a closer look at Cedric, it looked more like he was waiting for something to happen, than thinking. Cedric threw a look over his shoulder, in Jared’s direction.
I can’t let things stay this way… Jared thought.
“Ced…” He walked over to Cedric and sat in a chair next to him.
“We need to talk.”

Cedric was waiting for the common room to get empty, so that he could go out to see Oliver without anyone finding out. His eyes was set on the flames, thinking about where they were going in their relationship, and if they should reveal themselves to the angry mob and scary public. He was also thinking about Isabella, the last week he had spent more time with her than ever, in lack of time with Oliver – and he had even caught himself in wanting to kiss her.
It’s just because I miss Oliver… And perhaps it was, but his feelings still confused him, finding that his feelings for Isabella grew stronger. But not getting close to how he felt about Oliver.

He looked over his shoulder. Sarah, Stella and Jared had been talking – but now the room was silent. Jared was leaning against the wall, his hands in his pockets. Cedric smirked, knowing that if the guy ever got around to it, he could break a lot of women hearts. A part of him missed spending time with Jared – they grew up together, and he was very good company. Not like the others, not too keen on gossiping, and had an awesome sense of humour. Even so, spending time with Jared meant spending time with the rest of them. Like Sarah… Cedric almost groaned at the thought.

Much to Cedric’s surprise – Jared was walking over to him. Jared sat down, and Cedric felt a little annoyed, looking up at the watch, finding that it was getting late.
“Ced…” Jared said, it almost sounded like a sigh. “We need to talk.”
Cedric looked over at him, the surprise reflecting in his eyes now, along with the fire.
“If you say so.” His voice was cold, he hadn’t intended it to be – but he really wanted to se Oliver. Jared looked a little intimidated by this. Cedric smiled politely – and tried again.
“What did you want to talk about?”

”I know this will sound weird, but I want to talk about us.” Jared said – and looked at Cedric, waiting for him to respond. Cedric nodded.
“Ok?”
”Well. It’s… ever since you met Isabella, you have been avoiding me, all of us. What is going on? Aren’t we good enough for you any longer?”
Cedric drew his breath to answer.
“Don’t, let me finish. Ever since I met you the first time, I’ve looked up to you – I’ve been like your shadow, feeling lucky that we are friends. I think we get along fine, you know? We got a lot in common. Heck, you’re even letting me play your Quidditch team. Now, at first I thought it was good to come out of the shadow. Everything was always about you - it was you who drew the girls, you they all look up too. When you started hanging out with Isabella, it was me they came to, to get their questions answered. I kept letting them down, because you don’t talk to me any longer. I don’t know what is going on, and frankly, I don’t care. If she’s your girlfriend – I’m happy for you, because heavens know you need a stable relationship in your life.”
Jared didn't take his eyes off Cedric once.
”I need to know where this is going Cedric. I’d rather have you say that you don’t want be friends any longer, that we’ve grown apart or something like that – than having me walk around not knowing.”
Jared finally looked away, looking at the fire. It was soothing, warm. It felt good to have all this off his chest. Having his mind emptied.
Cedric’s face had hardened. He almost expected him to hex him to bits and pieces…

Cedric listened patiently while Jared spilled what was on his mind, and instantly knew he had treated the boy wrong and unfair. It felt like a cold hard fist was clenching around his heart, trying to crunch it.
”Aren’t we good enough for you any longer?” Jared asked.
Ouch, that hurt… Cedric thought, and drew his breath to answer. It wasn’t that much that he was sick of Jared, but more about the people surrounding them. the whole crowd and gossip deal. Besides, he loved spending time with Isabella…
Jared wouldn’t let him tell this, he wanted to finish what he had started saying.
Cedric blushed a little when Jared said how he looked up to him, he had never told this before. He hoped Jared didn’t notice, but knew he must have – as Jared didn’t take his eyes off him once while talking.
Cedric felt sorry for him, knowing how Jared was kept in his shadow – though he never intended for it to be that way. And about the girls… Cedric couldn’t help but smile.
Perhaps it is about time that I told Jared about my sexuality? The thought stirred up a bunch of butterflies in his stomach, and made him nervous.
Jared demanded an answer on were their friendship was going, it only seemed fair. Jared looked away, and it made things hurt even more. Cedric wanted to cry, but couldn’t, not in front of Jared. His jaw tightened, as he tried to keep the ball of sadness, regret and guilt from exploding.
It took a while before he spoke.
“Listen,” Cedric ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. “For what it’s worth I’m really sorry for everything.” Jared nodded, and Cedric continued. “It’s not you – it never was you, but the whole crowd surrounding us you know? I can’t stand it, they are false, gossiping… Messing with your head.” Cedric shrugged, and stared at the fire. “I met Isabella on the train, and sure, everyone says she has been right in front of my eyes all the times, what did it take to make me notice her? I don’t know – it’s beyond me…” He shook his head, and smiled. “But I’m really happy I met her. She’s different, not like everyone else. I’m really lucky I met her. But then again…” Cedric turned towards Jared again, smiling. “I’m really lucky I met you too…” Jared nodded again, biting his lip. It made him look insecure. Cedric frowned. “I guess that, if you want to – you could break free from them as well. Join me and Isabella. Or, I’ll take time away from her – and hang out with you.” Cedric’s lips curved into half a smile, now he was worried too. He didn’t know if he could be able to handle it if Jared reflected him. Jared turned away again, also looking at the fire. The flames was soothing…
“You know, all that stuff about the girls? You shouldn’t worry, really. I’m pretty sure you’ll crush many hearts… I mean. Look at you!”
Cedric bit his lip too, wondering if he should drop the bomb. Would Jared tell on him, tell everyone about his secret? It felt good talking to Jared again though, he missed this. Was it inapropiate to say? Cedric hesitated… Worried about Jared’s reaction…
”You know how they say that all the best guys are either gay or married…?” Cedric begun – turning away from Jared. He lent back in the chair, concentrating on breathing. Telling Isabella was much easier than this would ever be. At least she wouldn’t worry about Cedric hitting on her, but then again… It was different with Isabella. He loved her. She was the only girl he had ever loved… It was weird… Yet, Oliver was the love of his life.

Jared watched Cedric carefully while he was talking, picking up his emotions while doing so. He was sincerely sorry.
That is relieving. Jared thought.
Cedric went on about why he has been staying away from Jared – and how he was lucky that he met Isabella and him. How he didn’t like the gossip that came along with being friends with a crowd. Jared related to that, thought. He wasn’t a big fan of gossip either. For some reason he felt nervous. Like Cedric would push him away anyway, even after all those nice words. He bit his lips, and looked at him anxiously.
“I guess that, if you want to – you could break free from them as well. Join me and Isabella. Or, I’ll take time away from her – and hang out with you.” Cedric said. Jared felt his heart jump. That was exactly what he was hoping to hear… Yet, he felt a loss of words, and it seemed like Cedric had more to tell – and he did, indeed. He was complimenting his looks. Then anxiety flushed over him, Cedric was worried about something – he hesitated.
”You know how they say that all the best guys are either gay or married?”
Jared frowned – trying to make his last words make sense.
”I think it would be great if we could spend time together again, I mean, with both of you.” Jared said, copying off Cedric’s cheeky smile. “I’ve kind of missed you, you know. We only spend time together during Quidditch now a days, so…”
Then Cedric’s words dawned on him…
“Wait, what are you trying to tell me?” Jared stroked his cheek, and looked at Cedric. He lowered his voice and raised his eyebrows.
”Are you gay?”

<<I just wonna hug 'em! LMAO>>

<<I relate to that! Actually I wanna hug Jared more than I want to hug Cedric, because Cedric has kind of been a jerk...
But on the other hand, Jared's replies are like... shitty. I mean, look at the lenght?
Even so, more than 5 words. Anything more than 5 words is good >>

Cedric was really happy that Jared wanted to spend time with both him and Isabella. It sure mad things easier, seeing as he was already split in half – torn in between Isabella and Oliver. Jared didn’t comment on Cedric’s sexuality right away, so naturally Cedric thought he either was freaked out – or didn’t approve.
Cedric was about to tell Jared he had missed him too, when Jared interrupted him.
“Wait, what are you trying to tell me?” Jared said, before he lowered his voice to a whisper. “Are you gay?”
The whisper was unnecessary – they were the only ones in the common room, yet for some reason he appreciated it. Cedric felt his cheeks flush red and bit his lip. He nodded once, not able to find the right words to say, and if there were any words to be spoken, would he utter them? He feared that Jared would go back on everything he had said, and keep away – telling his secret to everyone.
That’s lame… Cedric sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. You always trusted him with your deepest secrets, he never told once. Why would he now? This is much more delicate though….

Jared felt Cedric’s emotional struggle; his emotions were a mess, but mostly – Cedric seemed to be nervous.
Cedric blushed and nodded as response to his question. In all those years they’ve been friends, he’d never seen him blush once. A lot of thoughts and questions ran through his head.
“But you don’t look gay. I mean, you’re all … butch and masculine. What about all the girls who always surrounds you? You’re like a chick magnet! And since when?” Jared bit his lip too, to keep all the thoughts from bursting out. Had Cedric ever fancied him? Did he think he was hot?
Jared felt both silly and worried at the same time. After all, Cedric had just complimented his looks, and if Cedric was in love with him, it would be awful; He would have to break his heart…
Because Jared was pretty sure he was straight.
He took his eyes off Cedric, not able to look at him while asking the next question.
“You’re not in love with me, are you?”

Cedric couldn’t help but smile. Jared took it better than he ever expected – and all his comments and thoughts were hilarious. He could however understand why Jared was insecure – and started off by answering his last question.
“No Jared, I’m not in love with you. Well, I love you, but not that kind of love you’re thinking about right now.” Cedric said, hoping it didn’t sound all too confusing. “I do think you look great, but you’re not my type. I’ve never thought of you like that.” Cedric frowned and added. “Hope you’re not disappointed.”

He rubbed his chin and lent forward in his chair, his elbows resting against his knees and he placed his head in his hands – looking into the flames.
“I’ve been gay since…”
Pretty much the first time I saw Oliver He thought, but couldn’t say.
“…I saw this guy on King’s Cross on my first ride here. It was like love at first sight, you know? At that time I probably only looked up to him though – wishing I could be more like him, because he did seem perfect. Flawless.”
It’s funny, even after all the pain, he still seems that way… Cedric kicked himself mentally, blaming himself for the pain that had been caused in this relationship, though most of it wasn’t his fault at all.
“I never got close to him, he’s a couple of years older than me – you see. So we never spent any time together, nor became friends. In fact, I don’t think he knew I existed.”
Jared rolled his eyes and Cedric frowned, wondering why.
“I was too shy to approach him anyways…” Cedric added.

His thoughts drifted off, thinking about how to tell the story to Jared – without using names. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Jared lean back in his chair – waiting.
“I figured I was gay when I arrived back here after Christmas, my third year. I got into a snow fight with a couple of the guys. One guy attacked me – and I wished so badly it was that guy from the train station that day would sit on top of me, push me into the snow – look me into the eyes and say ‘I caught you.’ – And I was a little freaked at first…”
Cedric sighed, still looking at the flames. That sounded… Cheesy. I can’t tell him the rest of it, about the prefect’s bathroom and getting a good look at Oliver’s body…

“I kept trying to go out with girls though, at first – to prove to myself that I wasn’t gay. And to hide it from my family. You know about my cousin, right? Merlin, the trouble I will get into if this get outs. I tried to make it remain a secret for as long as I could,” Cedric shook his head and smiled and corrected himself; “for as long as I can. Anyways, the relationships never lasted more than two weeks, and I did hurt a lot of girls. You remember all that I believe. For what it’s worth I feel really bad about it, using them like that…”

Cedric sat up, and looked at Jared, not able to read his expression.
“Jared,” he began – Jared looked up and their eyes met. “I really need for this to be a secret. Please don’t tell.”
Jared blinked.
“Are you freaked?” Cedric whispered, feeling a little sorry for him.

Cedric was smiling when he asked if he was in love with him, it made Jared feel really daft.
Yet, he could feel that Cedric was – somewhat relieved. He wondered how many times Cedric had shared his secret, imagining it wouldn’t be something you’d easily tell.
He beat himself mentally when Cedric said he loved Jared, but wasn’t in love with him. Jared knew what that mean; they were great friends – but he’d never seen him as boyfriend material. Did that disappoint him? Jared bit his lip, feeling silly for thinking that.
But what about Isabella? I always thought they were together… He thought, knowing that would be another question he’d have to ask.

When Cedric told his story about when he figured out he was gay, Jared felt he was hiding something, probably covering up for someone.
Does he already have a boyfriend?
Jared rolled his eyes, when Cedric told that the love of his life ‘probably didn’t know he existed’. It was hard to think that anyone could not notice Cedric. He always was the centre of attention. Even if Jared wasn’t even one little fraction of gay, he had to admit that Cedric looked really good – and knew that Cedric was a person one could easily open up to – and tell your secrets. Cedric said that this person he loved was flawless… Perfect. If Cedric was with that person; that person was lucky. He doubted that said person was half as good as Cedric.
”I was too shy to approach him anyway.” Cedric added, to his story. Jared nodded, that made sense, seeing as the guy were older – and love never was easy. Especially in this matter.
Is the person he is talking about gay too? Did he make Ced tell me this?

Jared lent back, waiting for him to talk again – relaxing. Trying to sort out his mess off questions, some of them needed to be answered soon; others could wait. Cedric told about the snow fight, and Jared kept getting the feeling that he was hiding something.

He did remember Cedric breaking a lot of hearts. How could he not?
It usually hurt Ced more than the girls anyways – but at least now I know why… All this time he has been keeping this a secret… Jared felt sorry for Cedric. Keeping something that big a secret for such a long time. Hiding it from his father… Not that he blamed him. Cedric’s cousin was basically banned from the family.

Cedric sat up; and so did he.
”Jared,” Cedric began. Their eyes met. “I really need for this to be a secret, please don’t tell.”
Jared blinked. His eyes focused on Cedric – and his grey eyes.
”Are you freaked?” Cedric whispered, and looked down.
Jared swallowed, and ran his fingers through his hair.
“No,” Cedric looked back up – confused. “Not really, it all makes sense in some crazy reason. You’re my best friend Cedric. I just hope you’re happy.”
Cedric raised his eyebrows.
”Do you mind if I ask you a couple of questions, though? There are still a couple of things that’s unclear.”

Jared fell silent for a little while, after he asked him if he was freaked out. His heart sank to his stomach, he was so nervous and wasn’t able to look at him.
”No.” Jared said, and Cedric looked up.
Did I hear him right? I must be imagining things. Cedric thought.
“Not really, it all makes sense in some crazy reason. You’re my best friend Cedric. I just hope you’re happy.” Jared continued. Cedric raised his eyebrows – he wanted to hug Jared, but figured that would be pushing his luck at the moment.
“I am. How could I not be? Just having told you makes me happy, seeing you took it this way.” Cedric said and smiled. All the anxiety had been in vain.
Jared wanted him to answer a couple of questions, and Cedric could easily picture what kind of questions that were. He bit his lip, and thought about it for a moment.
Will Oliver be mad if I tell Jared we’re together? I can’t… I need to ask him for permission first.
“Sure, go ahead. Ask all the questions you like. I might not be able to answer them all though.” Cedric said, and waited for Jared’s first question.

Cedric said it was ok for him to ask his questions – so he tried to gather his thoughts and questions, and untangle them, because it was all one giant mess. Yet only one question seemed important. The one thing he was dying to know…
“What about Bella? Aren’t you guys together? Why did you snap at me when I asked if she was available?” Jared asked. That was the confusing part. Cedric had snapped when he asked about Isabella. Why was that, if they weren’t together?
”And what about your family? Will you tell them?”
Sure, Cedric had just told him that he needed this to remain a secret – and he would keep it a secret too. But the world had to find out eventually, right? Something as big as this… It was bound to be discovered.
”And why have you been sneaking off at night, if it weren’t to see Bella?”
Does he have a boyfriend? Have I seen them together? Jared thought.